me: is my gaping vagina not good enough for you???

[11:50] me: i am so out of it
[11:50] him: that sucks
[11:50] me: it's not so bad
[11:51] me: i thought the toilet stole my soul
[11:51] him: uh
[11:51] me: turns out it was urine

"if i douche and you put a cucumber in me, do you think it will turn into a pickle?"

note to self : never call your boyfriend by the name of a fictional character you're obsessed with